I also found out today that I have eczema. Yay! Another disease to riddle me. Well I'm exaggerating slightly. I do have eczema but oddly enough only on the back of my knees. So I guess I'm quite lucky compared to some and I rarely wear shorts, in fact I never wear shorts, so I won't be embarrassed in public. If I did wear shorts people would probably spend more time laughing at my pipe cleaner legs to even notice the slight blemishes on the back of my knobblers. The doctor was cool about it and prescribed me some creams to ease my pain. I picked them up from the chemist this afternoon and one of them was a big, fuck off, pump action bottle of moisturiser! Enormous! I now own a 1 kg pump action bottle of moisturiser! Get me! Yeah mate! How big's your pump action bottle of moisturiser? I'm going to be the moistest man on the damn planet! I was messing about with it for the first time and it ejaculated a blob of the lotion six feet across the room and got all over my coat. I'm going to have to be be careful with this one I can tell, especially as the coat was a slightly grubby Mackintosh. I'm also dumbfounded how I'm going to get it on the plane on Saturday. Is medicine exempt from the 'no fluids' rule? I'll probably also get charged excess luggage knowing my luck because my pump action bottle of moisturiser is so FUCK OFF BIG!
Did you see how I managed to drop in subtly that I am indulging in a bit of jet-setting there? Yes, I am off on a little trip which promises to be quite fun. A perk of the job one may say. It's not all a jolly though, there's some serious goals to be achieved which could pay off nicely in the long run for everyone. That's why I am so happy with my healthy living routine. I wake up bright and early now full of beans and get a good night sleep because I seem to get most, if not all, of my daily tasks accomplished. I am really looking forward to this year and in years to come I hope I can say that it's been one of the best of my life. Jings, the optimism glands are certainly pumping tonight.
I'd better try and find something to be miserable about .... ehm .... hmmmn. I cannae. How odd. I might just watch the news. That's bound to work. I saw in the papers yesterday that Greater Manchester Police have published CCTV images of the Glasgow Rangers 'fans' seen to be responsible for the worst of the rioting in Manchester. How must those guys feel? In the shite now boys eh? I think it's disgraceful the way they shamed their club, Scottish football and their country. I'm not just saying that as a Celtic fan because I am all too aware that Celtic have some right bams follow them too. It's all too easy to say "oh aye those Huns cannae behave anywhere etc etc, blah blah blah" but at the heart of it it's not a football problem as these people don't deserve to be called football fans. It's a fuckwit problem because these people really do earn the right to be called fuckwits, dolts, neds .... scum basically. We did a show in Manchester on the Saturday after the match and the concierge at the hotel was a fellow Scot. I asked him about the events and all he could do was grimace and shake his head sadly. Such a shame that a club and a country can be tarred with their brush.
Speaking of dolts .... I received a facebook group invitation last night from someone who'd joined the management company's page and to all intents and purposes described himself as a fan of one of the band's I manage. I really thought social networking sites could / should be more responsible, the group was a thinly disguised, well not even actually disguised, far right / Nazi / BNP shower of tinpot Hitlers saying that england should be for the english and immigrants were not welcome in the green and pleasant land. Now, this quite perturbed me. As a Scot with a home in London, should I pack me bags and leave it to the master race or should I delete the numbnut who sent the invitation and leave some fruity messages on the group message board. I flipped a coin and it came up tails (sorry Lizzie, didn't quite work out) and chose the latter. Deletion done I prepared to spit some bile .... disappointment followed. I'd have to join the group in order to make a comment, foiled.
Actually here's some info on these charmers.
The group is called (their grammar and spelling, not mine) ....
"no more immigrants england is full fuck off elsewhere !!!"
The man who invited me to join this band of merry Nazis first name was, and this is true, Egg!
What were his parents thinking? Did they name him after what they had for breakfast as they coo'ed over young Egg wrapped in swaddling. Fuckwits beget fuckwits! Sorry for the profanity but it makes me feel big and tough. Which came first the fuckwit or the egg? Perhaps it's a nickname? Who knows? How do you eventually come to be nicknamed Egg though? What childhood prank or adventure earns you that nickname? The mind boggles. I wonder if he thinks it's cool?
There's some more real gems on here, let me pick a few rough diamonds for example.
Again the spelling and grammar is not mine.
"English citizens are born here so they have more rights to scronge"
I thought scronging was outlawed in the 14th century.
"anybody found insulting people about their spelling and grammer will also be removed this is a group where you can write your posts as you wish ,this is not an English lesson"
Not too sure where to start with that one. I thought it was all about the English, I thought that was the point. Good to see they're not prejudiced against those good and true stout Englanders who can't even write their own fucking language properly. Nice to know that you're free to insult whole races and ethnicities but woe betide you and may God strike you down if you point out that grammer is actually spelt grammar. Didn't Pol Pot have a 'thing' about literacy as well as some of his other foibles.
Oh, there's too many of them and it's getting late but I'll leave you with this one which doesn't really have anything to make fun of but kind of sets the tone for the high level, cerebral debating style of the groups members.
"put em all on a slow boat to china,the fuckers just take the piss out of our country,constantly...parasites the lot of em...."
That was from Dean Carsley in the West Midlands. Seems like a nice chap.
Do these immigrants never sleep or do they take the piss out of the country in a sort of ungrateful relay to ensure that the piss-taking remains constant?
That's what I love about racists (and I am generalising here) .... they all seem to be simpletons.
Take the village idiot, tell him he's the master race and you're off and running with the fourth reich.
I know they want to keep (and kick) others out of 'their' country but I don't want them in mine!
Does that make me racist?
p.s. The people responsible for this group also have another belter called,
"BOBBY THE OX GOT A KICKIN"
This one is all about how Bobby (The Ox) got beaten up by a working girl in Thailand. It's quite interesting and has lots of stuff about penises in it. Bobby (The Ox) as you may imagine has very little hair and a very, thick neck.