My lucky red jumper has been done in and put out to pasture. Foul play is suspected. More news after I have conducted a thorough investigation.
Investigation and autopsy complete. It appears that a crack hit team of my maw and her washing machine decided to do the old jumper in using persil and a high temperature wash. She wasn't too healthy I grant you but that's no excuse for involuntary euthanasia!
Betty's denying all knowledge of the heinous crime but I've seen the way she's been looking at the LRJ! Sheer loathing and undisguised hatred .... She waited until I was off away for a couple of days and then pounced with no mercy! What a way to go, brings a tear to my eye.
It also throws up disturbing new evidence regarding my missing favourite jeans, the one's with the holes in the knees and the threadbare arse. It's thumbscrews and a beating on the soles of the maw's feet tonight then!
The lucky red jumper is dead! Long live the lucky lime green v-neck!
Funeral is in my room 27th January.
Close friends and family only.